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Is it kindness.... or enabling?

judymcdermott's picture
on May 12, 2010 - 4:41am

My youngest Goddaughter, Jennifer, is set to graduate High School in three weeks. She has chosen to attend a small College in the Upstate of South Carolina. North Greenville University is a Baptist Church based Liberal Arts Public School, meaning she's eligible to recieve lots and lots of grants to pay for it. But that's not the issue. Her mother, my best friend of almost 26 years, is the issue. Kim is in College herself, having chosen to return to school after being fired from her crappy job (and it was crappy)to earn a degree to make her life better. So she is currently on unemployment, her sole source of income besides the monthly Child Support Check she receives from her ex husband for Jennifer's care. Well, it came down to crunch time for Jennifer to recieve her Cap, Gown, Tassel, invitations and memory book for Graduation and Kim, cash strapped, asked for help. So I checked my budget and gave Kim the $100.00 she needed to complete the purchase of these things so her daughter would have what she needed for the Ceremony. I also have begun collecting things that she will need for her dorm room. Things that most people might not think of like Toilet Bowl Cleaner, Soft Scrub for the shower, a roll of quarters for the washer and dryer.Now, North Greenville University is in need of her housing application and proof of immunizations. A deposit of $100.00 is needed to secure Jennifer's place in the incoming Freshman Class and to guarantee her a dorm room. After making a few calls to the College, I found out that this money is due by June 1. I need to repeat that I MADE THESE CALLS. Not Kim. Kim thinks that Jennifer should be the one to make these calls. Not her. "Its Jennifer's College stuff and she should be responsible". Am I wrong to completely disagree with this?? Jennifer won't do this for herself. She's 18, but very naive and immature, even for an 18 year old. She doesn't even check her email with any regularity. Well in the middle of all this, Kim has decided to take a vacation with her boyfriend. God knows where they are. Am I wrong to be angry with her for squandering her meager unemployment money to go off to Florida with her boyfriend instead of seeing that her daughter has what she needs for a smooth transition to College in August?? In the meantime, Jennifer called me to ask if I could help her with the deposit. Kim had said that since I had paid for Jennifer's Cap and Gown plus putting together her dorm supply box that she would come up with the money for the deposit. Somehow I just don't see that happening. I would hate for Jennifer to have to wait a whole Semester to begin her College Education. I don't know what to do. I'm so angry with Kim right now for being irresponsible and spending money on a vacation instead of seeing to her daughters needs. I feel like I'm the only one who really cares about Jennifer right now, and what she needs. Am I wrong? I don't know what to do. HELP!!!

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