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Heavy heart

pearcenalaska's picture
on April 18, 2010 - 11:23am

I have a lot on my mind this morning. As some of you know I live about three parallel lives being a full-time student, part-time worker, mother of three and a wife. We moved away from Indiana because we wanted an adventure and to get our kids away from all the dysfunction of our families. Then in November I lost my Dad all of the sudden and that really shocked me. We decided to go back to Indiana after we graduate so I can pursue my Masters at Purdue University. We have grown, our kids have grown and I have a younger brother and sister that need me around. We also have nieces and nephews that we are missing grow up. Not to mention the fact that my step-mom needs us. I grew up in a family that was pretty messed up but not as bad as it could be. Our biggest problem is that my mom is so selfish. She was not a good mommy. She was a mother and took care of our food, clothing and shelter needs but not emotionally. I was a really good kid, no partying, no sneaking out, no boys and I was grounded all the time. I was disrespectful and talked back a lot because I really despised living at home from about 16 on. Finally at 18 I was kicked out. I came home one day from work and was told that I had a week to get out. I had already graduated high school and had plans to live with my grandparents during college so no big, right? Except for the humiliation of being kicked out. My mom had four children from three different men and is on her fourth husband. There is lots involved in all this but that is the very basic of it. Each of us children has had a different screwed up experience but had others to share in it. My youngest brother has been in the house alone with my mom...except for various boyfriends and now new husband and hasn't had anyone to be there. I moved to Alaska and this causes me serious guilt. It is one of the big reasons we are going back. Well, he turns 18 tomorrow and my mom is kicking him out before he even finished high school. This greatly sickens me and I am so mad at my mom. I haven't even talked to her yet. I need to talk to him before he is out. He has one of those pay by the minute phones and it is out of minutes. I offered for him to come with us when we moved up here but he had his friends and school so he didn't want to. We are going to Indiana for most of the summer and I am trying to get him to come back with us for the year before we move back. He says no but I guess we will see. Our sister lives an hour away from him in Indianapolis so he could go there but he says he doesn't want to. I know that he would live with us if we were there. It makes me sick being so far away. When we get there we are going to give him a graduation party and go to graduation to celebrate his accomplishment! I have so much to do right now with school and I am having a hard time concentrating because I am thinking about him. Oh and my sister has totally disowned my mom so I have to call and talk to her to get to talk to him. I hope my mom is happy with her new husband because she is completely alienating all of her children. I talked to my older brother about it all and now I am even sadder. Apparently, my brother is skipping school and calling himself in and I don't know if he'll graduate high school. Life sucks when your parents don't care enough to find out what is wrong.

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