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To be grateful

jlbrown3711's picture
on May 30, 2007 - 8:19pm

Its a gorgeous Monday evening and it is beginning to look a lot like summer. Although, it is not as hot, still feels like a beautiful summer night. My kids will be out of school in a couple of days, so I hope I can find some good time to spend with them when I am not working. Have to admit, working while they are on summer vacation is gonna be tough, but not much I can do about that. So much I wish I could do, but now that my life has changed, have to focus on reality. But ya know, my kids have really been pretty good with it all. Makes me very proud of them.

Feeling a bit blue tonight as I sit in this house trying to grasp on to the idea of what may be ahead of me in the future. I sense some tough roads before getting to the smooth ones, but I am ready for them. Talked to soon to be ex tonight and got me down. Well, he didn't but what he said to me. He called and wanted to speak with the kids before he was off doing his thing for the night. I hesitated about doing that because it was my night with them. Should be my time, and he should respect that. He told me that it should be common courtesy on my part to let him. Ya know, I went the whole weekend without talking to them just because I know it was his time then.It hurt like hell, and was tempted a few times to call him and ask to speak to them, but I didn't. So, wonder why he can't do the same. But after I hung up, ok, more like he hung up on me...... I called him back and let him talk to one of the children. The other two were too busy anyway. It upset me, but let him talk to one of them anyway.After all, the kids should not suffer for what happens between two adults. Maybe I am too nice about this, maybe I am doing whats right....... does not matter.....Just hurts, and look forward to the day when I can distance myself a little more and start over with new hopes, new dreams, and find that happiness that I so long for. I know its there, I have felt moments of it at times.

Anyhow, the evening is beautiful tonight and wish I was somewhere else at the moment.Some times life can get so exhausting that one just wants to feel the freedom of another time and place.I keep dreaming of spending a warm summer night looking at a glowing sunset in the middle of some deserted place, over looking a magnificent lake, or an ocean maybe......something very uplifting about going back to nature to find ones spirit again. I have always enjoyed gods natural beauties in life. They always seem to call to me when I need to be heard. Maybe my little upcoming vacation will remind me once again that where there are worries, there will be peace that follows.

I am planning on spending some nice time with my kids in a bit, so I am sure it will bring my spirits back up.It is amazing what the power of a hug can do. Weather it is from a friend, a family member, or even just a child.........it can make a difference. I feel like hugging my children tonight. Life is way too short to not let them know how loved they are. I wish all children were loved like mine are. Just because parents go through divorces, does not mean it has to be ugly and has to involve them. As upset as I get at times, I do remember that there needs must be thought of first.....

Anyway, a strange blog for me tonight. I am a bit blue, a bit bored, and not sure how to deal with it at the moment. I guess it is another stage I have to deal with. Will pass, and will be smiling again real soon. Hope every one has a great evening, and keeps thinking of those life long dreams they have deep inside. You may have rough times , but keep the faith and sure enough, life gets you through them. Take care everyone........You are loved....Don't give up!

Ten things to be grateful for in my life!!!!!!!!!! I dare you to make your own list

1. My children

2.My friends who listen to me with an open mind and never let me feel that my thoughts and feelings don't matter.

3. Family

4. Groban Music.............ok, stop laughing.......ya all knew I would mention his name in here somewhere. But in all honesty, his music has touched me so deeply that I will always be grateful.

5. The health of me and my kids

6. GOD!....Ok, he should be number one, and I am sure he will forgive me for putting him under Groban music.............LOL

7.My beliefs................always felt that I believed in the important things in life

8.My Job.........Yeah, its part time...but hey, a job is a job.......!

9. The ability to appreciate people no matter what part of life they are from.....

10. LOVE................the love of kids, the love of friends, family, music...........it is all the same feeling. What ever fills your heart with joy and pleasure is what life is all about!!!!!!!!!!

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