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am i stupid????

on November 1, 2007 - 9:56pm

i have been working for the past month at a job that is so perfect in so many ways....i'm a school librarian...most of the kids are great, the hours are magnificent, and the pay is good. so, why did i say, "sure" when i was called to interview for another job i know darn well i'm not going to take, because i love where i am so much????? i think it's the, "grass is always greener" syndrome....do i think this other job will be better???? it's still with a school, but it's full-time (and i haven't worked full-time in 26 yrs), it's 20 miles away, compared to 6 where i am now, it's earlier hours (nooooooooo!!!!!), and probably, less pay per hour. in other words, NOTHING about it sounds good. i'd make more money by virtue of twice as many hours involved, but i'll spend a lot more on gas (it's up and over a couple of big hills, as well as being further), and i'd have to get up at six or so in the morning, as opposed to waking up now without needing an alarm clock, just when i feel like it.....which is usually around nine (i stay up til one or two in the morning, every night).....this is such an incredible luxury, i think i would work at a really lousy place just to be able to keep doing this. the nightowl in me is happy for the first time in many years because of this.
so....since i'm commited to the interview, my son told me to just go, see what they have to say, and then decide if it's offered to me. there is no harm in checking it out. but i wonder if there is something wrong with me to still be looking, when i feel that i'm in the best possible place i can be. the only drawback to my job is that i could use more hours. that's it. i'm picking up 4 more each week starting next week, and that will help. i think that's why i said yes to the interview....it's the only thing i can think of that would make me go check it out. but this is the last time. no more.....unless someone offers me a 6-hour a day job int he schools...that would be ideal.

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a happy halloween

on October 31, 2007 - 10:15pm

we had more than our usual share of trick-or-treaters tonight, which always makes me happy. the elementary school around the corner always has a festival, with games and prizes and candy, so we don't get a lot of kids out on the streets. tonight, we had more than we've had in years past...maybe it's because of the later time change date...it's lighter later, and they hit us before and after the festival. and there were more older kids, too....i think the word's out around the neighborhood that we give candy to anyone who comes in a costume to the door.....
i carved three pumpkins---i'm a pretty artistic person, and have sold my crafts at fairs and shows, and make good money at it. but, whatever talent i have does not manifest itself in pumpkin carving. they are the sorriest three jack o'lanterns i think i've ever done, and that's saying a lot. but, they still did their job admirably, guiding kids to our door. poor guys, they gave their lives and ended up so ugly, and not even scary-ugly, just ugly.....
all this talk of josh coming to disneyland has gotten me and my pal, kathi, working on a scheme to get down there. i have a party i need to attend that same night, in a town just over from anaheim, so i'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone. we are waiting to hear if josh will be taped during the day (i hope, i hope, i hope), so i can do both things. and, i get to go to disneyland, a place i just adore. i know magic mountain has the more-thrilling rides, but i love disneyland the best. i love, love, love star tours...it really feels like you're floating in space when you drop out the door!!! and the indiana jones ride and of course, pirates of the caribbean, are just amazing. i want to see the Haunted Mansion, too. i hope we can coordinate all we need to do, and hear that we will be allowed to attend the taping if we are just regular guests of the park. they have to have the streets lined with people for a parade, right??? otherwise, it's just a guy on a float sailing down an empty street. i'm hoping josh has to tape it a few times, so we'll get to see him as long as possible. but first, get there, and get in.....we're waiting for more info to come down the chute....
i called borders today to check to see if i could have my Noel poster....last year, when, "awake" came out, they let me have the CJ when the CD had only been out a week, so i thought they might let the poster go quickly, as well. but my now-best-buddy at Borders told me they'd have the Noel poster up til at least the second week of December. He said he had my name on a post-it stuck to his computer, and he'd call me...i never gave him my name, but he told me what it was, so i know he does, indeed, have my name and number....sweet!!! he's the same guy who let me have the CJ....gotta love him...
so, are you ready for the onslaught of xmas commercialism that is going to hit the airwaves now??? i'm not ready for christmas. i don't want to deal with thinking about it just yet. i love the holidays, it's not that, but i feel it's being crammed down my throat. i'll take down my halloween stuff on saturday, when i have a chance, and then put up the thanksgiving stuff....and enjoy that for three weeks...we have an early thanksgiving this year....
hope you all had a safe and fun halloween....bye

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why is it so threatening???

on October 29, 2007 - 11:47pm

the other day, i wrote about being a witch (for want of a better word---i really don't like to use that one). while i have made my peace with those who responded (negatively, i thought, but i was incorrect). i can deal with that....but, what really gets me is how many people embrace vampires. there is a thread right now where people say how hot josh is with the photoshopped fangs and bloody mouth. creeps me out, but then, i never did like dracula...it seems to me that there is this fascination with vampires---the darkness, the mystery, the romance of the legend and lore. no one says a word about how ungodly that is, yet, i get jumped on for stating i am a simple follower of wicca.
there was an article in my local paper, taken from the AP wire, about just who believes in ghosts, ESP, UFOs and such. Lots of people believe in all of those things, but far fewer believe in witches and casting spells. that is so weird. all those other things are unearthly, or can't be proven, yet more people believe in them. there are hundreds of thousands of practicing wiccans, yet, only 13% of people polled believe in them????? when we're all over the place???? perhaps it's a faulty poll---perhaps they mean that they don't believe there is any power associated with wicca. for the record, i don't cast spells. i don't do a lot of things a lot of witches do. that's one of the things that drew me to it in the first place. it is as complicated, or as simple, as you want it to be. i opt for simple, a personal journey to remind myself to live the Golden Rule as best as i can. I guess, judging by the reactions i get whenever i share this part of myself, it's perfectly okay to be turned on by a vampire, so long as you leave the impression that you believe in God. That's pretty twisted, in my opinion. That's tempting the darkness more than anything i do, or even think about. of course, you say vampires aren't real....but, i'm sure there are people out there who do embrace the characteristics of vampires--perhaps not drinking human blood---but walk on the dark side of normalcy. Having said that, however, i want to say that i have loved the edgy posts (and entertaining scenarios) written by grobanitegoth and siapom....funny stuff!! they don't scare or threaten me, and their humor is so refreshing with all the warm fuzzies that are par for the course on the boards (not a bad thing, please, please, please believe me!!!)
anyway, that's all. just an observation.....

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mad at myself

on October 27, 2007 - 5:55pm

i offer up my apologies to anyone i may have snapped at, misunderstood and otherwise irked because i was in a snit myself, and pouted instead of talked rationally. i'm at a point in my life where, usually, if someone misconstrues what i'm saying, or doesn't like what i have to say, i just say, "oh, well, the heck with them"...except for when what i say hurts someone else. there is no excuse for that, and i realize that what i did say DID hurt some people. i criticized the catholic church as an institution, not meaning to offend members of the church for their beliefs....i admire anyone with such strong convictions, as i'm working on my own faith, and wish it came as easy for me as it does to others.
so, i want to thank the cooler heads that have prevailed, and wish you all a happy saturday night...i'm in california, and believe it or not, it's been raining gently since around 2 PM, and it's now almost six PM....such a difference from last week...hope it gets down to SoCal.....

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whoa, down girls!!!

on October 27, 2007 - 2:54pm

apparently i ruffled a few feathers with my last post. i did not mean to upset anyone. to the one who thought i was comparing wicca to catholicism, i was merely pointing out that the motions we go thru in our practices are much the same. of course the tenets are different. but you cannot deny that christianity, and catholicism, both borrowed heavily from pagan religions in regard to the timing of their holy days, and to the rituals and traditions. it was a savvy move by the popes---they had to win over the pagans, and so, adopted some of their celebrations so as to not alienate them any more than they had by forcing their religion on them. we all know by now that jesus was not born in december, that the date was chosen to coincide with yule tradition. the easter bunny, which in not a religious icon by any stretch, is a pagan symbol for the passage of winter to spring. eggs are also a fertility symbol. there are so many things integrated into our folklore that were once in the domain of pagan religion, and no one thinks twice about it, if they even realize where the custom came from.
i was born and raised catholic, jumped through all those hoops, because i was forced to, and as soon as i was a young adult, i left that church far behind, and even if i wasn't a neopagan, i certainly would not be a catholic any more. with their ridiculous stands on birth control, homosexuality, divorce and AIDS prevention, the church stands for everything i find wrong with the world today. i don't apologize for what i am, but i do take offense to the uppity responses i got. one said she admired me for my convictions, but somehow, i didn't get that feeling. i would NEVER say that to you in regard to who or what you worship. i would support your right to celebrate however you please, even if i didn't agree with it. it's that kind of intolerance that is giving rise to terrorism in the name of religion. there has been, and always will be, fundamental disagreement about who to worship, but the degree of how one group denegrates another is escalating. please try to see into the forgiving soul i know jesus christ wants you to display, and show a little understanding. i'm not out to do you, or anyone else, any harm, and if you wish me harm, well, i'll pray for you.

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