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Joynalling Why -I write!

EstherT1's picture
on February 19, 2012 - 1:16pm

Driving for over 18 hr. total and finally making it to New Jersey is unbelievable. Survived the rain and cold temperature...

Missed Josh Groban for an Early Show Kelly Live. Bummed as usual and come to find out Josh was headed for Britain.

I must say my feelings are hurt. I drove all the way here and hoping to at least see Josh but I supposed another turn has happened and here I am in New York all alone.

Anyhow, I can mope about it but it's done. Saw a movie called the Vow after much walk in Manhattan and broadway. Met my old manual Therapy teacher Luke. Funny I saw some guy at Starbucks looking so much like him! Yes I supposed he could look like Josh as well. NY Sports Med was just around the corner. Went to two offices till I met Luke right at the doorway of the Clinic.

He actually recognized me and I bet I looked the same. So does he. I'm never one too good for an introduction. Luke whom I had a crush with long time ago. He slapped my butt in class. It's apparently common practice in Australia. To make the long story short - Luke was up-front enough to let me know he is not interested in me. That was over 5 years ago all he wanted was to slap my butt I supposed. I learned to move on. I believe there were other reasons...Like perhaps he was engaged or he is... gay. "Sorry having misled your feeling I'm currently in a relationship ..." And I responded on e-mail, "That was very nice of you to clarify and I must say I wish you the very best and if we ever come across again...I will be at my utmost professionalism to meet you..." I completed 2 other class with him and at that point I realize I'm perfectly awkward with this guy...I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm not one to pursue a relationship with him. Therapy is a small world and I need him for connection. Oh! wells but this time I thought it's well worth the visit...I need to move to NY. "Thought I'd stop by since I missed Josh Groban at Kelly Live and a guy walked in Starbucks looking terribly like you!" He was quite surprise! Unflattered of course. II tried to be funny about it. He did kind of laughed. "To make the long story short...I'm thinking of taking a traveling position here - perhaps permanent and would like to work in an Outpatient Clinic...Any chance you can hook me up! I've been wanting to move to New York!" Small chit-chat as the man is has patients and he offered for me to send him my resume. And he gave me his card. Hands on Clinic are also near by and I know the owners of the curriculum 2 greek and good looking men...They are definitely heterosexually challenged and runs the show for Manual Therapy around the world. Demitry and Risopholus. As Luke once claimed, " Greeks inveted sex and Italians brought them to the women!" So I added...Actually I wondered...perhaps King Solomon was Italian too!''

So! I'm really looking forward to moving here in New York. My condo is about to be rented by a Physical Therapist and I'm short-saling my property in Reno, Nevada. True I've gotten myself in a financial stand-still. Moving so much and never feeling satisfied.

Something happened to me this time. Sitting at Starbucks staring at ABC channel. I heard my mind speak..."You are meant to be here! You will always wonder if you don't! " It was slightly uncomfortable. This is Josh City...Cold and very sentimental yet has that Phantom feel. I'm tired of wondering why NY seems to have hunted my thought from the very beginning and why am I so intimidated? This is the Big Apple and I'm nick-named "Apple." This city has kept festering in my mind. Why did my father call me that name and ever since then Apple has been so popular. Even the computers call out my name. Always been nervous of NY concrete Jungle - "Beyond the Wilderness Story stemmed from it!" Still can not finish the Epic Story. Perhaps It needs an anchor and that is NY City. Apple of my Eye! Apple is NY and Zion is the Eye. "NY needs me... This I know." (OK perhaps Whitney Houston added that one!" Finances will not be easy once I move here. It's expensive but it has the right stuff that holds my very own inspiration. Figured I'm tired of wondering and I've alwyas adapted easily. My Best Friends and some family are also here. Just a few hours from Florida.

Then something hit me the moment I said that...New Yack! New Yack! New Jack! And I am Ya Aqui! Jack in the Box once again. Call it comedy or insanity... I'm buying the coincidence...I'm back in New Yack! There is a lot to gain in the future. Some sacrifices on my finances and lifestyle will have to make room for New York. All I need is a little nest...Like a Quail I can live in New Yack! New Shack! I will go to work and make it to the shows. Have a sculpture class in a basement and get back to my clay. I want to design logos and collages. Write my children's books and ET for fun. Go to Judao-Christian congregation and have some ONEG. Watch shows. And in case Josh Groban truly does move to NY I might just say, " Hello Josh! You look terribly like this man I met at Starbucks...Oh! You are not Josh! I'm so sorry!"

I watched a movie called "The Vow!" Sappy but delightful and yup I screwed up and thought Josh is at GMT in New York ...Nope he is in flocken Brittain Broadcasting. I should be happy but let's face it. I drove 18 hr. to somehow meet the man I wanted to thank. Yes! Josh does not know me...I'm only a Fan...Meaning I FanTasize about him and He...Josh...is one guy Millions of women love to be in bed with. I wish him all the best but here I am trapped with a crazy fantasy -to like a guy who is surrounded by Hollywood glitz and glam. Our world will only meet thru the Arts and Universal Dreams. A sad and sappy Love story. Hmmm...Wonder if Electro-Convulsive Therapy could help erase my memory just like in the Bollywood movie - MOD. One of these days I will dye my hair caramel and put back on blue contacts. Move on from this wild dream...

Anyhow, sad as it may seem I went to GMT Greenwich Village for a Mojito. Even met the Owner...John and waiter -Liam. Got another Mojito- free one. Owner was very nice and wears pink shirt. Based on the accent he is British. Now how did I know he is the owner? I asked! "You manage this place?" He responded, "I own it in fact!" I must have a good way of flattering men awkwardly. Glad I did not reply with , " What the hell are you wearing that pink shirt for?" I bit my tongue...And got Free Mojito which they probably give to new comers! Funny thing was I had all the thought of meeting Josh and handing him the long sexy shirt that would fulfill all his dreams. American made T-shirt that stretch down to the knees - Just like Josh always wanted. Sexy Legs expose and the moment he wears it he's hear... "I'm every woman!" I even got a doggie bag for Sweeney. But yes of course it's never gonna happen Josh took off to Britain like a runaway Jonah! And it's all my fault again...I was too late like Jew-late! And Roam-Me-Oh gets away like slippery socks. The second Mojito did quite a bit of stirr..I was tipsy in no time. So I figured...I better get going before I land on floor and wake up in some basement. I finally broke my fast and ate a sandwich meant for Sweeney...Chicken Salad with pesto. Yummy! Sorry Sweeney - No Joshy no Yummy for you!

Took a walk to the train station...."Luckily I don't have to drive!" One more hour and I can pick up my Super-Subaru vehicle. Fell asleep at the NJ transit and soon I was headed home. Brokenhearted and tired. NJ Princeton Junction...Very poignant...I could write a good story about it one day. "Cross Roads and Mojitos!"

My best friend Vib was not feeling good today due to a flu. The poor girl has to wake up just to open the door past 11 PM. I decided to camp in my Subaru. As I slept I thought of Subaru Car commercial about a mom sending her kids to school. The mother holds a cup of cofee and wears a bathrobe while her kids and every other kid enter the vehicle. Kids walk in bored in jammies and as they exited the Black Subaru a man awaits with black suspenders, black hat and trouser with a camera. The man takes pictures of kids in prep outfit playing all kinds of musical instrumnents. Then old folks starts entering Subaru with jammies and steps out looking glamorous on the other side. At the end of it all the prompy woman in bathrobe walks into the Subaru and steps out in black sexy outfit... She calls out to the man with Camera, " It's your turn darling!" and pulls his tie. Camera man winks at the crowd. Suddenly, I woke up with my best friend knocking at my car window. "Jackie - I figured you weren't home yet so I stepped out! I left the door for you a while ago but supposed you did not get the text!" Opps! Wait that was a cute dream.

Walked in the house and told Vib all of my days event. She looked really tired so we kept it short. That night I was still feeling quite sad. I fell asleep and had a dream. I was fast asleep when I could see my body laying on a bed. A Man full of LIght entered and held out the Big black key. He unsealed my chest and placed the Big Black Key in like a bag and laser sealed my chest. I don't know what it all means. I knew about that key...It was the biggest key I've been trying to give away but couldn't quite figure out who to give them to. It is as if the Lord wants me to keep it close to my heart. The Big Black key is now stuck with me.

Saturday I spent my time with the Kids and my friend and brother. Vib is still pretty sick and her brother offered all kinds of accupuncture and medication. Watched Whitney Houston all afternoon long for a funeral. I was really touched. I will pray for her daughter to break out of this and be as her mother wanted her to be - " A good woman of God!" I believe the universe just conspired to open up the Name of the Lord unto all women.

Today I woke up early enough and have Tea with my friends. They all know I fast till 4:00 PM. My friends are Hindu yet they don't seem to mind me fasting. I shared my faith with them who knows one day!

Later on I manage to make it to a Nausseau Church at Princeton. Actually I was headed to an Episcopalian Church but I got lost. I did manage to meet Father Paul at the Trinity Church by Princeton afterwards.

Something about Prince+on is so enchanting. The meeting of minds. The diversity. The thick air of intellectual ambition breathes thru the pores of each student. I said a few prayers for good luck and send off a great vibration. Disciplined, serious, hard at work and focused - these students are amazing. I'm back in school all over again. It's like being back in the Pittsburgh. Remembering my ART classes and the career I've always longed for but never fulfilled. I thought of that movie "The Vow!" The bravery of the girl having a Studio and diching her plans to enter law.

I somehow had this envy. What if perhaps I should have pursuit my crafts. My hands on the clay and on the wood creating something many of my classmates and techer admired and copied. Yet I never thought I could make a living off of them.

It's not too late I told myself. Moving to NY may just open all the doors I've been thinking of. I sense an urgency. Perhaps therapy is just a footstool to my true calling. Everyone knows I love perfecting people's posture simply because I love form and function. I was molding them like I used to mold clay. I am meant for the ARTZ! Why else would stories get magnified and created in my mind if I was not meant to be in the ARTz? (I could hear someone play the piano down below - like a phantom inspiration flowing thru my veins.) I will drown from my own thoughts if I never write them all down. Floods of ideas need an outlet. My hands are starving to create something for people to see, touch, hear and explore.

I walked the streets of Princeton and saw a sculpture of Einstein. I was so inspired I realized I wanted to write a story about 8 students from Princeton who will produce a show based on the life of Salvador Dali. I can sense the vibration and inspiration. Perhaps moving to NY/NJ is the key. The story will revolve around Frist Campus Hall and the Art History Students in need of an outlet to produce an Epic Show about an "M - up-stache Man Salvador Dali! Meets E= MC square!" Somehow Princeton starts looking like Oxford with it's beautiful scenery and gothic style buildings. The architectures are so enchanting. As if I'm back in England. My mind was recreating Harry Potter but this time it's Prince + on! None of the witchcraft and all the Arts. Murals started splashing all over the place as I walked the halls of Princeton Campus. The trees spoke, " Who is up!" Salvador Dali's narly paintings started to unfold and transform. The dove appears upon the crucifix...Lincoln Mural of Salvador Dali magnified. I can see Josh as the main History professor taking the students on a Journey...little does he know 8 of his rebel students are bound to recreate Salvador Dali and return Princeton Students back into history of TIME and Space. Salvador Dali's work under trial. The Algebraic Arts of words and numbers conspired. Theater of Anachronistic proportion where inspiration is transcendent and a wave of flashbacks of various Artist and Scientists unveils wisdom back to One! Who is at the Door! ( At this point drumrolls and cymbals classhes - Doors break open into a sea.)

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