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You are a such a good soul, Josh. Love Always

padmejyh's picture
on March 1, 2013 - 8:46pm

so I go to the temple and I'm making offerings to all the guardians in the temple- you go around and pay respects to/offer incense to each of the guardians- they're like the Eastern equivalent to guardian angels- one of my favorites that always remind me of you- the Goddess of the Sky and Earth- and right next to her- her guardian Chinese-lion/dog- who also gets an incense offering. "Thank you to the Goddess, and to her guardian lion/dog...I always say in my mind." *he wags his tail*

the rain, is the beginning of all things :)

Protect the light in your heart, Josh. It's the one thing in this world we have to guide us.

Thank God for angels in this world, Josh. What would we do if it weren't so.

God is the answer and the path to everything you ever, wanted to know.
The path of light, joy, and love.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake."
-Elizabeth Gilbert

I've said it from the get go and I'll say it again. Protect the light in your heart, Josh. Once we lose that there is nothing left.

I dont know if you're reading these, but maybe today I feel like you just might. It gets difficult to post here regularly if sometimes we're less connected.
It was great seeing you yesterday- I was admittedly a bit taken aback by your aloofness, so excuse me for acting in kind...I have a way of mirroring energy back to people I can't seem to grow out of. My daughter is better than me on this.
I had been looking forward to seeing you for so long- but perhaps we've both been a bit inundated of late with responsibilities.
It's been hard, Josh, the last few years , and you have been mostly at the forefront of my mind though other things got in the way of the project- obligations and such, helping family etc
My one regret with this is not having listened to my instincts more and catching the magic of the times as it was flowing...
And now we've both been through so much, and I know it's been tough- it's been tough on me too
Angels of light must stick together or we will perish in our attempts to battle the darkness on our own. As one who takes pride in my independence, I am learning this the hard way.
So much I wanted to say and tell you yesterday- it just wasn't the time.
Sometimes I wonder if you are looking out for me here- then other times when I know you are, I can't deny the knowing I have.
I love you. That hasn't changed all this time. It gets a little difficult not being in better communication.
One thing about seeing you- at least I feel we've reconnected. And knowing that puts my heart at ease.
I'm on a plane at the moment. I'm here there and everywhere these days, so I can be anywhere at a moment's notice. like a nomad. I miss being back in the states full time though. Hope soon.
ps I do love your political comments.

Btw the dragon is obsidian and is to help protect your energy. Put it by the window in the sun for a few hours now and then to clear it.

"Say the word, and I will follow you"

Every time we interact I get a better picture of how you communicate, your different moods. It's endearing and I find myself loving you that much more. The thought of being close makes me happy...and I find myself asking if I would change/make compromises for you- and the answer is yes- I want to be yours. And I find I am happy, at home, and at peace.

So Josh, sweetie, the first rule in dance is the guy leads, and the girl follows...
So I'm here, ready, for you to take the first step.

When the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

(One of my favorite verses in one of my favorite songs...That's pretty country isn't it? ;))

I'm a free spirit, Josh, just like you- and I will always be. So when I say I'm devoted to you and will follow your lead, that's a lot coming from me. And I always do what I say I'm going to do.

Raoul or Phantom? Which role do you prefer?
My two roles of interest- Christine and Ariel. It's about the music for me- what I connect to... Maybe a Les Mis role but wouldn't know which one I just like the music in general. Ariel apparently you need to be a certain height... Christine in 20s...but I could possibly pass for 20s...
Working on it. Along with everything else... You woke something up in me and I realized, singing doesn't just have to be a fantasy for, we'll see

Been talking to and reading the timelines of some of your fans- do you realize how many of them found you in times of personal need and loss? The Angels work through you Josh. Always remember that.

Do you realize you get better and better over time, when your voice and artistry is perfect to begin with? I am so proud of you. I was all smiles last night. So happy I came to see you. You were electrifying. And yes I mean hot. :)

You are so dear to me and that will never change Josh. Don't you know that I've always seen through you to your beautiful soul. It's ok I can't help but play defenses sometimes can we not when we are so sensitive...

Our hearts are very very old friends...A saying I found yesterday here...

And an instrumental of To Where You Are just started playing...
I am sitting in the very hotel perfect for the castle in the film- it's all coming together so magically-

Trusting and opening up to the wrong people and then getting burned badly, yeah I've been there. But when you know that it's not you, that it's simply the nature of darker shades of life, you realize how much more important it is to stand in your light and to shine even brighter. This is what you've chosen, and so have I... We've both had trials we had to face alone, but I think we've come out stronger on the other end, although not perhaps without a bit of an edge.
Don't ever let what happens in the world around you erode into your beautiful beautiful soul, your soul and kindness which shines from the deepest parts of you. We protect the light within us so that we can continue to shine for the world. Because that's what we came here to do.

Listening to All that Echoes. I cherish it and hold it close to my heart. And I believe you know why, as do I. :) Of course I love all your songs and singing...because it's you, it's your beautiful soul shining through. You could sing anything and I would love it, because it's you.

Ask me anything, and my answer to you will be yes. The answer in my heart has always been yes. I'm yours entirely and completely.

Everything will be ok. I'm with you. *hugs*

I have listened to so many of the world's top musicians over the years but there is no one I have heard with your artistry, mastery, and presence, and you only keep getting better and better. Bravo Josh- you are going to rock Broadway.

I love you. xoxo always

:) Love you. xoxo

Hey cutie. Was watching this performance of yours earlier- was this one of the last times you performed without a beard- the sweet angelic face my soul knows so well...
Beard or no I feel really connected to you as a result of seeing you of late...your energy came shining through and my heart just melts. :)
Always in my heart Josh. Sweet vegetable song. Buttercup lettuce. And crisp fresh cucumbers.
Just remember if you're in a prickly mood sometimes maybe it's coz your beard's prickly. :)
That will all go away in time after you don't need it anymore.
Holding you close in my heart Josh. xoxo
Say the word and I will follow...

So here's one I wrote today...

Here I am alone again
Are things as they should be
The silence all around me
Isolation's creed

And yet here in my heart a voice
That only I can hear
The voice of God I know so well
In silent witness bear

He says...
Love is the way
The way to all that is good
And if I trust
I will know all that I should

Love's our light in the dark
And the way leads to you
If I could only see it
Somehow I would believe it

He says...
Love is the way
The way to all that is good
And if I trust
I will know all that I should

Love's our light in the dark
And the way leads to you
If I could only see it
Somehow I would believe it

I will believe


He says...
Love is the way
The way to all that is good
And if I trust
I will know all that I should

Love's our light in the dark
And the way leads to you
If I could only see it
Somehow I would believe it

I will believe

Congrats it's going to be awesome- you're going to rock Broadway!!! :)

Glad you had an amazing first day of rehearsals!

So much love, Josh. I am so proud of you in a way I could probably never put fully into words because what you have achieved is on levels deeper than even I fully comprehend. I simply know that you did it. *hugs and all my love*

Aw you're the sweetest. Big xoxoxo.

I just love you. xoxo

Be safe Josh.

Well you know I don't like to leave things on here for too long especially if it's very much as this blog is fairly hidden it's still that's why I delete things.

Love you. xoxo

Good morning :) xoxo

Anyway, none of that is really relevant to us. Am I interested in knowing about your past relationships? No. I could talk about mine but not interested in doing that either because it's not relevant. We just weren't with the right people because we hadn't found each other. And you are the beautiful strong person you are today because of everything you've learned and gone through. I saw that when I saw you in person, and I'm immensely proud of you because I know it hasn't been easy to overcome what you've overcome.

I want what you want- a relationship that is right and that lasts. That is everything I need to know.

Or rather, we had found each other but maybe questioned it at times...but we had to learn what we had to learn, so it's ok. Painful at times, perhaps, not to mention a sense of slipping away from each other... but maybe it was necessary for us to grow.

I love playing that vegetable song clip of yours. You are such a cutie.
All these years Josh. And no one else but you.
I love you.

Harnessing my energy right now. Some of what I'm working on takes an immense amount of focus so I have to be very aware of how I use energy right now. One day I'll write about it- in the third part of this trilogy. Just finished the first, as you know, and I can see the storyline of the second and third now, though I never know exactly what's going to happen til I write it...
Sing me the song about vegetables Josh. :)
love you xoxo

What would you like for me to do, Josh- put out a tweet proclaiming I'm yours? I would but I can't really do that can I- not without something from you.
But yeah attractive people will attract other attractive looking people but so what. Not like I don't see through all that. Frankly I don't find my tweeps attractive because attraction for me comes from the spirit since I tend to see through people. But I do have some good work/career contacts.
I also don't really want to do this in public- I mean there's a time and place for that- public has its purpose- not for personal private.

I mean for people who DM I tell them my heart is already taken and yes I mean you when I say that. But thankfully I don't get too many DMs because I think most people know I'm not open to it.

I love you Josh with all my heart. Please know no one else comes close. You are one in a million trillion to me. xoxo

hey cutie. I derive so much peace and joy just looking at you, did you know? I could be in the midst of a million things in my mind and then suddenly there you are- a picture of you, and I'm all smiles. I love you.

Much love to you Josh. :)
I did pick up on it and fell asleep thinking about you...
And then got busy getting some things done during the day
But of course I notice. xoxo

lol Josh we are funny
but sometimes I just long for you and wish I were there with you

Do I trust you? In a heartbeat, my love. Wherever you lead- and that means much to me-to be able to just trust you to lead.

Speaking of autumn, this an excerpt from chapter 1 of my manuscript. It may look familiar b/c I think I've shared it with you before :)
"Bursting forth from his apartment, Adam plunged into the city streets, energized by the crisp freshness of the cool autumn wind. West 76th Street was particularly beautiful at this time of year, a shower of reds and yellows, auburn and gold dangling from oak trees lining the street, giant ostentatious pillars among the playful swirls of falling leaves dancing, ever so whimsically, in the wind. In the distance, the laughter of school-bound children filled the air with a sense of buoyancy, a tickle to Adam’s ears, bringing a smile to his face. This, Adam thought, this is joy, the joy of living in a world that reminds one in the most unassuming of ways, that life is, indeed, beautiful, the joy of sharing this beauty through art—through song, and in the process adding to that which inspires a passion for life. "

Are you ok? Just woke up. Yes I'm concerned about the elections and about Syria too. I've already emailed former State colleagues to offer my help and I'm thinking seriously about going to help HRC these final weeks but I'm also very focused on family. This is in addn to my projects I'm working on- the film and the book- removing tracking changes in my manuscript so it's close to done but still a few steps more. So no Josh if you're still concerned about other guys it's just not even a factor- you're the one I hold in my heart- I've been listening to "You'll Never Walk Alone" day in day out for weeks because it helps me to get through a sense of being rather alone... As I've mentioned been spending time harnessing energy and spending a lot of time at the temples- things are going well but still in the thick of it so to speak. On top of that my mom wants to go to Sri Lanka but there's a typhoon coming and she's also under the weather- I just don't even know where to place that right now- so as I've said my mind is spinning a bit. Feeling close to you is one of the main things I look forward to every day. Just focusing on being close to you brings me a lot of peace and joy, so when everything else is on my mind I'm not as into talking about it all...I just want to focus on the wonderful closeness I've been feeling with you.

Also on my mind is whether you will reach out directly or if you're somehow waiting for me...

I'm yours Josh. Tell me directly what you need from me and the answer is yes.

Also if you don't like other guys hitting on me I need you next to me. I can't step out the door without being hit on.
I will tell them I'm not available and they'll go away but I can't stop them from trying to flirt unless I have you by my side, and of course I'd rather have you by my side.

So this business trip to Sri Lanka is on- some things just need to be taken care of I guess...leaving in a couple of hours maybe less...

I love you Josh. xoxo

In HK right now. I swear my mom just likes the idea of traveling with me.

Not going to play games with you Josh. I have no questions about us being for each other.
Btw my Twitter persona is like yours- just a part of me but the real me is a lot more intense, sensitive, and introspective about the serious things in life. Yes there is the part of me that's all joy- but that's hardly reflected on Twitter either.

The person I've traveled with the most in recent years has got to be my mom. She likes traveling with me and doing her work stuff. She's like completely lost her voice bc of a cold and she was all still changing around our itinerary to avoid a typhoon. I really wasn't in the mood to travel because my mind's all preoccupied with what I'm working through with my projects etc but I'm like ok mom...

So my mom's like "do you want noodles do you want noodles" in the lounge. I'm like no mom a gazillion times... I get back from the bathroom and my mom's like " go try the noodles"

Did you sleep? Didn't think so...have a good time and hope you catch some sleep later xoxo
I'm the same way- if you want me up early morning best catch me after an all-nighter instead of waking up all sleepy drowsy :)
On a plane again-
Love you xoxo

Me too. (about never fitting in)
Just arrived in Sri Lanka. Listening to an interlude-y song from Phantom- called "Why Have You Brought Us Here Raoul I've Been There- love listening for structure and harmony and thinking about how the piece was put together. Finished going over all the tracking edits done by an editor of my manuscript on the plane. Maybe one more read-over on the next flight back...
To find a publisher or self-publish...I'm such a novice at sharing creative work because I'm so skittish about selling rights etc. Been studying that process in detail too.
Are you sleepy or are you sleepy... me too.

Sleepy but trying to figure out how I'm going to stay up for this epic debate!!! Omg it's going to be so hilarious. Aggravating, yes, but priceless!
Honestly I don't think our govt will let you-know-what happen.
So no worries no oncoming apocalyptic event of any sort.

And Josh, you know my answer has always been yes- always. :)
You are the sweetest.

Love you cutie

Hey cutie- did you see my tirade last night on Twitter- I am so freakin frustrated at what's going on sometimes in the world- but I'm over it I guess...or not. I want to help but I'm so swamped I don't know how I can do more as I've already put myself out there.
A trip back to Sri Lanka as still some things there that have to be resolved to stay on schedule.

I can help I know I can but what am I supposed to do like send a cover letter and resume- they know me better than that. I feel like my former colleague who is one of those lifer friends just doesn't want me involved in such a messy issue. But who knows...

Had a voice lesson today - that was fun. The movie I'm doing for the Angels- the project in Sri Lanka for my family- singing is just for me :)

Good morning:) just got off the plane and in the car on the way to the hotel- you've been in my ear in airports around the world since 2010. Awake used to be my airport album- now it's whichever song my fingers gravitate to. My lifeline thru airports :)
Today on repeat: Play Me :)

Hey sweetie- I love you. A little tired from traveling and working but otherwise ok. Have a great day of practice/rehearsals.

Hey sweetie- in the midst of a lot of work but thinking of you. Never alone because I hold you close to my heart. Love you. xoxo

you too? Enjoying peas and cheese curry (mattar paneer) (yum) :)

Josh... Why do things never get easier?

hey Josh- your music has been following me everywhere I go...
I'm not quite sure if I can pull it off yet but I'm planning to come see you in the next few days- will let you know- xoxo

I'm here. See you tonight.

You were marvelous tonight Josh. Your scenes touched my heart.
So happy I could make it tonight.
That autograph was for the lady behind me btw. I don't know I think I got over the autograph thing in high school but it's always fun for those new to the limelight ;)

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