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Track #14 -- fan pkg download

straightarrow372's picture
on November 18, 2010 - 7:50pm

On the one hand, I'm not sure anyone is actually reading this stuff, and I suppose that if anyone is reading it they're not very likely to remember what I said on a topic a few days ago, so I suppose if I said something then and I want to continue a bit on the same topic I will need to repeat some background . Now, if I really thought anyone was reading this, I would have to apologize for repeating myself and possibly for being boring, but since I doubt anyone is, or if they are they are only skimming, I suppose I don't need to apologize for repeating something, as no one will likely notice.

Anyway, as I was explaining before, I was a high school exchange student in Europe. Some time after my return to the US, my European host father killed himself. Somehow I think I intuitied that something was up, as somehow in there I trained for and volunteered on a suicide prevention hotline. And while I was in Europe, I remember writing essays in my journal about when suicide would be justified, even though I was not at all thinking of killing myself. I think my host father's thoughts were somehow beaming through. And he sometimes made offhand comments, like, "I'll never live to be old," which were warning signs that he was contemplating suicide, though I did not understand that specifically at the time, but the training that I received for that suicide prevention hotline, and later reading that I've done on this topic, have sensitized me to this type of offhand remark.

Now in that earlier journal I was saying that I thought the "I can't live without you and I won't" line at the end of the song entitled "Love Only Knows" sounded suicidal to me and I was fairly worried -- granted I am sensitized to these things -- and granted it might only have been a passing thought, but it really concerned me.

But since then, listening to track #14, entitled "They Won't Go When I Go," I am even more concerned. This whole song sounds like a suicide note, really.

Sigh.

Nothing I can do. Josh feels so close, what with the constant tweets and all, and I know he reads some of the responses, but he's really so far ....

Powerless

And possibly totally off base

But still scared.

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